Dear potential future employer,
I’m Tom Corcoran; a writer and creative director from London. This is my portfolio where I have to tell you how exceptional I am and wax-lyrical about the creative work I’ve done for brands like Nike. Sounds great, except talking about how exceptional I am leaves a taste in my mouth that reminds me of the time I drank ten pints of Camden and smoked a cigar the wrong way round. Under normal circumstanes I’d stop here, but for some reason I paid this web designer Gaëtan upfront, and as the assistant store manager at DFS can vouch for I expect my money’s worth. Maybe it’s kissing my own arse from this first person point of view that cringes me out. It’s just so me, me, glorious me. Let me try something else.
Tom Corcoran completed a BA Hons in English Language and Literature at The University of Manchester before joining The School of Communication Arts 2.0. He cut his creative teeth at Droga5 then went on to W+K where his critically acclaimed work alongside Tom Bender established him as ‘one of Britain’s next creative leaders’. Tom Corcoran’s eyes flash wide and wet. What’s happening in his throat? Suddenly it dawns on him, he’s referring to himself in the 3rd person and as a result will now be deservedly and violently sick. He staggers into the kitchen, one hand claws a Sainsbury’s bag out from under the sink, the other snaps upwards to cover his mouth. But it’s too late, the creamy lumpish doth flow. Five wretched minutes later Tom Corcoran crawls to the fridge, wipes across his mouth, takes a big swig of Vita Coco and decides that he’s come too far to turn back now. He might look like he’s been hit by an F1 car but those aren’t tears in his eyes, they’re tiny puddles of determination. Tom Corcoran isn’t scared of a tough brief! He will tell you that he’s exceptional. First things first though, let him find a mop and another narrative perspective.
You’ve won the Cannes Grand Prix and Titanium awards. You know what it takes to take home Gold at the Clios and One Show. Your work has passed through D&AD juries like a hot knife through Lurpak. Webby award. Easy. Creative Circle Gold of Golds. Peasy. British Arrows. Lemon squeezy. You’ve won something called an Immortal award for crying out loud. Give yourself a slap round the face. You can do this. It’s just a word. Come on! You are exceptio... nope, screw this, you’re going to have to find someone else.